Oh, we got trouble...

September 2009

The real trouble with theatre today is not what's happening on the stage, it's what's going down in the audience. Theatre isn't developing into some disney-fied, hot commercial mess so mich as the stage is devolving to meet the needs of its patrons. Middle America has been deep fried and made lazy and it's catching up to our culture. Soon there will be little difference between the American Airlines Theatre and the Regal next door, both covered in Times Square neon on the outside and devoid of content on the inside, just the way Americans like it.

Case in point: I treated myself to a Pulitzer-Prize Winning play this weekend, and just as it was about to start six people arrived slurping sodas and unwrapping their Twizzlers. I suddenly wondered if I'd wandered into Finding Nemo. I kept waiting for someone to pull out Nachos. 

And this is only the beginning. Immediately after the rustling-wrapper gang settled in, the house lights went down and the show began, or I assume it did. It was hard to tell; the ushers flashlights were brighter than the fresnels as party after party of late-comers husseled to their seats. Because it's so very difficult to arrive on time for the theatre. After all, surely the 700 other audience members and star actors will wait until you manage to show up. 

Here's a thought: Get to the theatre on time. Eat your candy in the lobby. Make those people wait outside to slurp and much and fumble instead of letting their mayhem into the audience. 

Of course, there have been many periods in our cultural history when the drama was a secondary element at the theatre, and people still go to performances for the social element, but it is still polite to at least sit down, shut up, and pretend to pay attention for appearances sake. Can't we hide our ignorance?

It's been said by a thousand harping, bi-polar thespians before, and it will be again, but actors are working on stage. And furthermore, designers, directors, and various assundry artists worked to create a look, an environment, and even an experience. Try not to be too obtuse and stuffed with licorice to appreciate that.

So my point is that we're all assholes, including self-important divas with blogs, but more importantly, if you think your theatre should come with refreshments like a romantic comedy at the multi-plex, then go see the Little Mermaid. Let's keep the mayhem centralized.